Ever since I’ve moved back in with my mother and brother, I’ve noticed I’ve been much happier. I don’t have nightmares anymore about zombies, the apocalypse, or the end of the world. In fact, I don’t remember my dreams much. To some that might seem bad, but to me, its a breath of fresh air. Everyone is safe, happy, healthy and stable  and for the first time in a long time, I feel at peace.

I miss my apartment – it was so quiet, we had our own space to run around in our underwear in, we pull out our second bedroom’s mattress and slept in the living room like kids – it was a shit ton of fun. But my mother and brother’s  situation was always in the back of my mind. I didn’t get to see them as much as I wanted because of how busy Cor and I are – and it sucked. So, even though its not the most ideal situation in the world and yes, we’d love our own place again, helping my mother was the right choice.

And my boyfriend has been so awesome about it. Our space got downsized, my moms house is older and a little out of shape, but he has been amazing through it. He’s fixed switches and lights, we’ve cleaned the deck out, he looks out for my mom and hangs out with my neighbors. I  couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend – I was nervous that this would blow up in my face. Living with 5 people is tough – everyone has different schedules. But also living with 3 dogs, 2 cats – it’s even more difficult to make sure the place is clean, its quiet when it needs to be, the animals are picked up after, etc. But my heart is happy.

Do I want my own place? Yes. Do I want to sign papers to my own house? Yes. But I think living on our own, just the two of us, taught us one big thing: We love to have people always around, coming and going, family and friends and above all: craziness. Our apartment felt like a little vacation  and now that we are back in the mix, it feels like organized chaos. Things are aggravating at times: the dogs always bark, they wrestle in the living room, we only have one bathroom, we go to bed and wake up at such different times, little fridge space for food, cooking differences, etc. But I don’t think I would ever want to live any other way.

Now that I’ve been resting easier, I’m beginning to look at what I want from my life. I’m 25 now. And being now in my mid twenties, I’m not too sure where to go from here. There are things I want, but the question is: How do I get there?

Such a mid twenties question, huh?

The first thing I wanted was to stop putting my life on Facebook. I was finding that valuable time was spent just surfing Facebook for no real good reason. Yes, it’s cool to stay in touch with people you don’t see very often, but after some time I began to realize how unproductive it really was. Cor and I both decided to just delete it. And so we did. I feel, free. Which is odd because I didn’t make any life altering decision. But I feel like I’m off the leash. I kept my instagram because I do like to share some things with people and its also a photo album of my life. I think that’s enough to share with people.

The 2nd thing I want to do is start looking for positively at life. I can be really negative – mostly because I’m cranky and tired and I let that get the best of me. Not too long  ago, my guy and I were talking and he said “There are good things in life, we just have to notice them”.  And for some reason that shit really clicked with me. Talk about an epiphany smacking you in the face.  Wise shit, kid.

The 3rd thing I want to do this year for myself is to start challenging the world around me: more questions, more direct statements, going after what I want, etc. Sometimes I am too nice, and I sacrifice my happiness in order to make everyone else happy – although my intentions are good, it’s damaging. So fuck it – I’m going to be a hard ass…figuratively.


I’ve been really hitting my training hard. About three-four months ago, my max was 265, then about 2 months ago, I hit 295. I then switched routines to build by power and endurance. Two weeks ago, I had volume deadlifts, at 85% of my max which was 265. I hit that for 10 reps. I was going to stop at 8 but my boyfriend looked over at me (we were deadlifting side by side) and said “Im going for two more”. Shit, I couldn’t not go for two more. And bam, like a boss – 10 reps of 265. Felt fucking awesome. Even with trail runs, sprints and a lot of work, I still hit it hard that day and it really cemented that you have to trust the program. You have to trust the progressions of percents but also know when you can really push your body. It’s amazing to feel the strength in your legs and body, and be able to stand up with that weight time and time ago.

I’ve been focusing on my knee and hip positioning, and working getting lower in my sumo stance. I have good mobility, but not great. I’m a form-obsessed person, but I also know when to let my body do its thing since I’m NOT a beginner lifer and I have the strength and previous lifting years to protect myself with. But goddamn ladies, get to lifting heavy. There are very few things (like shooting a gun, riding a dirtbike through mud, shooting bows, skydiving, doing donuts in a car) that will make feel more badass than lifting some heavy shit and having your body respond with enthusiasm. It may not be all gun fire and explosions exciting, but in your head, in that moment with your blood pumping and your music blaring, sweat pouring down your face and you’re deadlifting 265 for reps, it’s pure adrenaline. So..go..go do that shit. Now.

Some cool MISC stats in training:
– 265# Deadlifts x 10 reps
– 225# Squats x 8 reps
– 450# Leg Press x 6 (I haven’t used the leg press in a year)
– 125# Good Mornings (working my way up!)
– 2 sets of 10 unassisted pull ups 🙂
– 45# DB Shoulder presses x 8 reps
– got over my fear since I dislocated my shoulder.
– 125 Strict Over Head Press PR
– 165# Bench PR
– 48” Box jump x 2
– 115# Thrusters
– 205# Front Squat PR




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