This weekend was a true testament to how much stronger I’m getting, physically and mentally.

Friday was a good lifting session for shoulders and abs with the girls and Corey. But Saturday was probably one of the best chest days I’ve had in so long. Our pipes frozen in our laundry room, so we weren’t sure if we’d even make it to a workout. But luckily, at 5:30pm, we headed out for some chest.

I ended up doing barbell benching and put up 150lbs for 5 at my peak for 4 total sets. I was very excited. I then threw up 35# DB for some extra benching too afterwards. I felt so fucking strong!

Sunday we headed out to ‘The Hill’. It was 22 degrees out, but the fuckin wind was horrible. We all got to the top for a warm up jog, and the wind would go right through you. We did about 5 or 6 jogs/hikes with the sandbag over all before we were all freezing. I even fell on my fucking ass going down the hill. I hit a patch of ice and didn’t realize how big it was. BAM! Right on my ass.

Over all, I wish the wind was a little less brutal but at least we got some hill work down. Afterwards we went to the gym for some more leg work. Squats, walking plate lunges, leg press, lying glute raises, leg extensions, calves raises and lots of stretching..great day.

After the workouts, it was all prep, cleaning, protein shakes, laundry and getting ready for the week.  Its great getting my lunches cooked, the food shopping out of the way, and Corey’s lunch prep all wrapped up in one night. Ahh I love being productive!

Today is my day off to stretch and foam roll, and also laundry at my moms, exciting huh?

But besides that all shit, yesterday (Sunday) was the 1 year since my dad has passed. Depressing, yes, but it was okay. Sunday morning we had breakfast with pretty much what I would consider my family (besides my brothers GF, she was home sick with the flu).  And then my mom, brother, boyfriend and I went to see him and spend a few minutes putting the last year together.

I don’t know where the last year went, or at least the beginning of it. Mentally and emotionally I was shot last year. I don’t remember my birthday, my brother’s birthday and anything really significant. I don’t really know how to process it all either.

But what I do know is how much has changed. And not just the material stuff either but much closer I’ve gotten to my mom, my brother and even my boyfriend. It’s been, challenging. There is always a problem around the corner, another obstacle in my way that I think “Man, if I could just get over this…life would be so much better.” I’m starting to find that, well, it will always be like that. There will always be the 4am mornings, the crying because I miss my dad, the pain my mom will always feel from loneliness that no one else can take away, my brother losing his best friend and the days where I think I’m better off in bed, under the covers.

There are days now where I can push through it all. I can wake up and feel ok; I know what I have to do to make it to my goals, and I go after it. I try to make the best of things. It’s that side of me that I have missed. I admit I was a miserable person to be around most of last year. But lately, I’ve just been able to be happy again. Not the “I’m okay” kind of happy, but the “I love today” happy. It’s just been amazing to feel happy again, to feel motivated, positive and upbeat that I can do shit again. I still have my days, oh boy do I ever. But they are coming far and few, not because the pain is lessening, but because I know my dad would eventually want me to get back up and start fighting again. He would tease me, and then make me laugh my ass off.

And then there’s Corey…my boyfriend, who has been so supportive through it all. Sometimes I’m not so sure how quickly I could have bounced back if it wasn’t for him. I can’t even begin to explain how he has pulled me through some of my worst moments. I’ve had some very hard times, mostly with myself, dealing with my dad’s death, my self image and how lost I felt. And here he is, still holding my hand when we fall asleep together at night. I am beyond lucky to have this guy.

So, with that said (little more than I intended to), I plan to kick ass this year.

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