I admit, I torture myself. I push myself really hard. I go and go and go until I pass out or I get sick. It’s a bad habit. Today I feel slightly defeated because my body is just. fucking. sore. The weekend was awkward, training wise, so I switched up a bit. No trail rain on Sat. because I was ill-prepared for running in snow & I drank a lot the night before…pretty stupid.  But I did hit the gym both Sat and Sun.

Two days a later, and I’m still waddling around. My legs are like lead: stiff, heavy and oh so mad at me. I’ve done a lot of stretching, icing, foam rolling, recovery cardio and I’m still left tired & sore. It kind of messes with my head a bit too. I feel like I’m failing – even though I’ve made more progress in the past three months than I ever have.

So lets look at the positives:

+ I can now comfortably run WITH NO PAIN OR SWELLING in my shins, even on the treadmill!

+ I have the lung capacity and the mental toughness to push through 8.5 miles of trails & hills. I’ve never ran more than 4 miles before outdoors or in.

+ I’m taking care of my body now – foam rolling, stretching, and icing; I’m focusing on rest as much as training.

+ I have a goal, a really hard and painful goal.

+ I can dead-lift 100+ reps of 75#  in one workout and still run 3 miles to kill it.

+ Burpees have become a twisted way to have fun.

+ I stopped listening to the negative thoughts.

+ I’m tracking my diet for now to help with fat loss. It’s not going to be forever, but I do need to lose the weight.

+ I’ve accepted help from trainers and experts who do, in fact, know what they are doing.

+ I can bench press 135lbs x 5.

+ I hit 450lbs on the leg press x 8 reps, the most I’ve ever done.

+ I’ve educated myself on the importance of carbs and how to let go of being afraid of them….its been tough.

+ I’m learning to once again control myself and follow through on my promises to myself.

+ I’ve manged to somehow put my mind away during long workouts and trail runs, and actually enjoy it.

+ Thanksgiving week, I ran about 16.20 miles in just trail, not counting treadmill sprints/hill intervals. Holy moly that’s a milestone.

+ I did a Spartan Race in better time than I should have.

+ I can do 65 full no-fucking-girly-shit pushups in 3 sets. I can do 36 in one set.

+ I can do half of a one-armed pushups…don’t know why this is important, but it made me smile.

+ I can tire flip a 442lb tire over 25 times, in 95 degree heat, in direct sunlight, with swollen shins and bleeding shoulders, hung over. <–this should never be a milestone, haha

+ I’ve moved away from thinking “heavy weight” to “functional & athletic” type training, I’m still working it though.

—————————-Early Thoughts—————————————————————–

When I’m having a rough workout, or my body feels beat up (more than usual) I stretch, sit in the sauna, foam roll, go for a walk, ice down, and sleep. While I did get some lifting in this morning, it wasn’t my normal routine. Also, my watch is going fuckin nuts. I have to replace the battery and it’s getting down to the point where it’s interfering with transmitting the data. Shiiitt.

Tonight I’m headed home to catch up on sleep, do some dishes, make lunches for tomorrow, and watch a show with my guy. We both went to bed late last night (10:30pm, gross) since he gets out of class around 8:30 in Dorchester…why? Because I can’t full fall asleep if I know Cor is trying to eat as fast as he can so he can go to bed. I stuck it out with him 🙂 That’s 5.5 hours of sleep last night though – it’s borderline torture. I knew it was going to be a rough morning, but had it not been for my legs being useless, everything else was good to go.

This morning as I was quietly walking out of the gym, I waited for the cross walk and suddenly realized, that even though I chalked this morning up to as a defeat, it wasn’t a defeat I’m normally faced with. I didn’t give up because it was 5:30am. I didn’t give up because I had no motivation  I didn’t give up because pain/swelling in my shins. I didn’t give up because I was tired or feeling insecure. I didn’t give up. I accepted that I couldn’t train to my max, and took a few steps back to allow myself to rest so I can hit it hard tomorrow. There’s a big difference in thinking there. And for someone who has always struggled with the internal negative thoughts, it felt more like a triumph than a failure. I’m sore 90% of the week, but when the soreness doesn’t fade after a two 40 min foam rolling sessions, stretching, ice, hot shower and a sauna, I over did it. I’ve accepted that unless I take a week off, I’m always going to be sore one way or another. Oooof.


————Rest Of The Week————

Wednesday – Sprints + WallBall Exercise
Thursday – Lifting + Cardio, make up session
Friday – Foam Rolling + Hill Sprints
Saturday – Bikrim, Agility Training + Trail Run
Sunday – Trail Run + Lifting or Obstacle Training



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