I’m doing the “arooo” thing again. Yep.

—————————-

I’m in trouble. Deep trouble. And the fact that it doesn’t scare me, makes it even worse and I find myself start to question my sanity.

No I’m not serial rapist. Although my boyfriend might disagree – erm –anyways, moving on.

Two things, I’m addicted to obstacle races and challenges. I’m not addicted to their cost, but since my need to torture myself with doing dumb physical shit is at its all time high, I’ve somehow justified the costs.

I’ve been looking into a few new challenges next year to get ready for my ultimate goal: the death race.

Yep. I said it. I want to do the Spartan Death Race. Okay, I lied, now I’m terrified.

The way I reacted when I did a 3.5 mile obstacle race was pathetic and horrifying just for the sheer fact I thought about giving up. I don’t know if that is a rite of passage at some point doing these races or if it’s a common thought (obviously the only goal Is NOT to give up…) But doing the Spartan Race for the first time was so physically and mentally liberating, it actually made me forget that I work in an official and have a normal daily life. It actually made me crave for more, a lot more. When I got through that, sitting in line at the showers, I knew if I had any sliver of chance to do the Spartan Death Race, I needed to train a lot more, I needed to toughen the fuck up and I needed to really love being exhausted.

Everyone talks a big game – but crawl up a hill, in mud, with sharp rocks ripping you to pieces underneath barbed wire with people kicking you in the face after 3.5 miles of running fucking hill mountains, and then talk to me. Remember, I use to be a fat girl, with a fat girl mentality (this isn’t meant to be mean) with a fat lifestyle. I didn’t know how hard my heart could pump. I didn’t know how hard you could push past your “limits”.  I’ve never done a road race or marathon or whatever, this was the first race type event I’ve ever done. And I really need to fucking work on my self-motivating skills when my thoughts are coming in as fragments.

There are a hell of a lot of things I need to work on. I’m not sure where to start, but I guess it starts with researching, reading and planning. I’m putting a calendar together of a few local road races, trail runs, charity events, etc to help me mentally prepare.  I have a few obstacle events that I’m going to do next year to get ready. I think in about another year and with more races and challenges in my belt, I can really see where I am mentally and physically. I look at this as my second career. Only I pay it and it pays me in blood, sweat and tears. I think it’s an even trade.

I’m an idiot, through and through. Some people want a normal life. I do not. I’m that person that needs to know that doomsday is coming and I better prepare. I’m a junkie. I’m addicted. I keep thinking and dreaming about my training, my next meal, how I can prepare better or what can we add to obstacle training? How can we make it tougher?

Some people like arts and crafts, painting, reading, playing sports, drawing, cooking, partying, studying, writing, etc but I like getting mentally and physically tortured. I want to do dumb shit and come out on the other side and have people go “WTF ARE DOING?!”. And it’s not because of what other people think, it just comes down to the fact that I like physical and mental pain. I need to know I’m alive and kicking here. I need to know my limits, what will break me? What will punish me? What will throw me over the edge? How much can I take? When will I give up? When will I’ve had enough? Lifting gets boring, running gets boring, sports get boring, the gym is boring…..I want to do crazy shit!!! I want to go above and beyond. I want to think it’s over and think “that’s it, I’ve given all that I can give.” And then realize I have 5 more miles to go.

Am I crazy? Maybe. But I think people are crazy for NOT doing something like this.

At the end of my life, when all is said and done, I want to know truly who I am.

The second thing, The Spartan Race HQ is moving to Boston, baby!!!! I wonder where they’ll be going 😉 Have I already mentioned that Boston is the best city on Earth? No? Will it is. If you haven’t been here, you probably can’t agree…or if you live in New York. J

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