“But, when it comes down to it, we do it because it’s “fun.” As one of my favs, M. Petrizzo has on his Twitter handle, “my idea of fun is not your idea of fun.” Right on, sir. Our idea of fun is pushing ourselves to the limits: mentally, physically and emotionally.” – Amelia Boone
So now that I put that there, I will explain. It is true. My idea of fun is not what everyone else’s idea of fun is. I like almost throwing up because my heart is pounding too fast. I like feeling my muscles ache the next morning. I like the mental walls I’ve built, and feeling them slowly fall down. I like facing my fears, the unknown, the uncertainty and the thoughts “I can’t do this.” I like doing physically retarded things.
In fact, I’ll go as far as saying I love it. I know it takes up most of my time. I know at the end of the day, I have tons of other shit that needs to be done, but this somehow always takes priority. I know I sound like a introvert: being 23 and not out partying every night. I know that training and running and lifting is all I seem to talk about. I know I complain. I know I whine. I know you think I sound lame (to those who do NOT enjoy training). But. I do not give a shit. This is me. This is who I’ve become.
I’m not normal. I’m not typical. I do not like being average or “okay” or “content”. I want to push my mental and physical limits not only because it’s fun, but because it ALWAYS resonates wonderfully through every part of my life.
So, tonight is my night off. I get to put aside the work out thoughts and relax with my boyfriend. See, I’m relatable? I plan to get home, change into shorts, eat, play video games till midnight, sleep till 9, hit the gym, go running with my dogs, see my mom, etc.
But the nights (or mornings) that I train. I’m serious. I’m out there to KICK SOME ASS. I work all week, looking forward to my obstacle days because I know, out there, rolling around in the dirt, covered in sweat, I’m creating an even better me. I’m not out there to socialize or gossip or stand there and stare at people. Part of it is self discipline, but the other part is just plain, want.
After the workout last night, and we got settled, Corey and I had a talk about how this is changed who we are and how we look at things. We work 40+ hours a week, and train. We don’t have massive amounts of free time to just relax and hang around. We can’t eat junk food all the time, we can’t just go to the bar on a Wednesday night, we can’t not take this seriously. And its a love/hate relationship. It’s frustrating that there isn’t enough time in the day to do everything we want to do. But I think that is what is so rewarding. When we finally get to go on vacations, see friends, spend money, we have so much fun. We know what hard work and sacrifices are. We understand that in several years, our bodies might not be able to do the things we can do know. We know first hand that life and the days to follow are not promised.
And that is why I will never be average or typical or accepting of settling.
We flipped the AC on, the fan on, plugged into the phones, jumped into bed, shut off the light and fell asleep with each other. I remember vaguely in the middle of the nigh, him pulling me towards him and wrapping his arms around me. I fell back asleep, and all the fears, the doubts, the bad dreams, go away. I’m human and although I’m a tough cookie, this guy keeps me sane. And to get a little mushy on you guys, in November, we celebrate our 3 years together. It may not sound like a very long time to those who are older, but 3 years is a big step. In those 3 years, you can really find out who this person is, how they work, what makes them happy, what makes you happy, and you can always change and grow apart. Or you can fall in love with them over and over again, even after the disagreements, the day to day life, the differences, etc. You fall in love with their flaws and their own demons and struggles. Because together, at the end of the day, you’ve beaten the obstacles not only as an individual, but as a couple as well. And you’re only stronger for it.